I finally completed the last of my cardiac testing that had been ordered by my doctors. I had a carotid ultrasound and an echocardiogram scheduled an hour apart at the same place. As always, my anxiety was amped up and threatening to do me in. I know that ultrasounds and an echo are non-invasive, painless procedures. My problem is that I freak out every single time I am in a medical facility regardless of the reason. It is a triggering place for me to be and I battle myself every single time I have an appointment. If it were not for my husband’s presence there I would not even make it in the door, let alone through an entire procedure.
My husband got me there and checked me in and that’s where my anxiety really took off. I feel so stupid to even admit how bad my anxiety gets over simple ultrasound procedures! It’s embarrassing to be this scared of doctors and medical offices when I’m this close to 40. I spend more time in medical offices than anybody that I know, so you would think that I would get used to it, right? Nope. Not the case at all. In fact, it has the opposite effect on me. The more doctors I have to see, the worse my anxiety gets. It’s almost to the point that I am not even functioning in my life. By the time they called me back there I was hyperventilating and squeezing the life out of my husband’s hand.
Somehow, holding that big, strong hand soothes my incessant anxiety. During the echo, Michael was sitting across the room and my heart rate was racing. I was having a panic attack for no apparent reason other than the fact that I was having a procedure done. I asked if he could come closer and hold my hand. The technician said yes, and my heart rate instantly went into the normal range! Until this, I did not fully believe that my stress and anxiety could have this much of an effect on my body or that my hubby has that much of a calming effect on me. Suddenly mindfulness and relaxation techniques are at the top of my priority list.
I had a medical incident before my appointment today… I was bent over looking for something on the floor and stood up too quickly. I tried to catch my balance, but before I knew it my legs buckled under me and I was suddenly on the floor! I’m not sure what happened or why, but I’m pretty sure this morning’s low blood pressure reading has something to do with it. Unfortunately, I fell out in front of my family and scared the crap out of my kids. I’ve had quite a few close calls lately, but today I wasn’t as lucky. Pray for me y’all! This ride is getting wild.
Stay strong autoimmune warriors and friends and family. Love and light now and always.