I woke up this morning with a flare from Hell and I think I just need a minute to vent about it. I went to physical therapy yesterday and I think that triggered this flare to start. I had so many plans for today and things that needed to get done, but once again my body has betrayed me! I had a run of good days last week, but my luck ran out last night.
Yesterday was a long day, full of errands and appointments. I had a physical therapy appointment and that always wears me out. It’s pelvic floor physical therapy and it’s extremely uncomfortable and even painful at times. More than anything else it’s stressful and emotionally draining on me. I love my therapist, but am not fond of the therapy itself. By the time I was done with that appointment, I was spiraling straight into a meltdown. My husband decided that I needed some “retail therapy” and took me shopping for some new clothes and makeup items. Can you say husband of the year? Gods I really love that man. He knows just what to do when I’m down.
Today’s flare has me a bit depressed, but somehow I managed to get dressed and throw some makeup on my face. I had to run the morning carpool super early today, and that certainly is not helping this flare. I was forced to take a pain pill before 6 this morning! Michael had to pick up some overtime this week, so there was no opting out of my driving obligations. Part of living the autoimmune life is doing what I don’t want to do because I have to do it. Even on the days that I’m in pain and exhausted, I still have a family and household to take care of. Luckily, my husband asks very little of me and tries to show his appreciation for the things that I am able to do. He never makes me feel bad for the things that I can’t do and that honestly makes all the difference in the world.
On days like today, I have to make a choice to either rest and try to beat the pain, or fight through the pain and get things done. Either way, I am going to hurt. It doesn’t matter if I’m at home in pain or out and about running errands – I’m always in pain. It’s not a matter of whether or not I’m in pain – it’s how bad is the pain today? This is a tough reality to live, but somehow I survive each and every day and show up to do it all over again. Somedays I don’t know where I’m going to get the energy or motivation to go and do the things that must be done, but somehow it works out most days. There are the occasional days where I fail completely, but that’s par for the course in the autoimmune life and I’m not going to sit here beating myself up over it any more than I already do.
The good part, (if there is a single good thing) about flare days is that I can spend some quality time with my family. It helps that the kids are on Spring Break from school this week, so there is a lot less pressure to get their assignments done (we homeschool due to Covid). My boys are teenagers now and are an amazing help around the house and with some of my care. I’m stubborn and hard-headed and have a very hard time letting my kids take care of me. This does not stop them from trying – bless their little hearts!
I’ve got a million other things on my mind and heart today that I choose not to share publicly. I will say that my family has gone through some difficult times lately. I’ve been super emotional about some major changes that occurred over the last few weeks and I could use all of the thoughts and prayers that y’all can muster up for me. There have been a lot of very personal issues wreaking havoc in my life and I’m kind of in a dark place these days. Hopefully the light will shine again soon…
Until next time… stay strong autoimmune warriors and friends and family! Love and light now and always!