Well, true to my form I was full of anxiety before my urology appointment today. This time I jumped ahead of the game and took half an anti-anxiety tablet to help me deal with it. Luckily, the doctor was a female so that made me much more comfortable. She was young and spunky, but very knowledgeable. She was very understanding of my medical anxiety – thank Gods! Not all doctors are so understanding, so I find it to be a blessing when I do encounter it.
The major suspicion that has sent me running to a Urologist is that my chronic bladder pain is a condition called Interstitial Cystitis. Basically, I have had chronic bladder pain for over 10 years. I have avoided seeing anyone for it due to my excruciating medical anxiety, but the pain is getting so bad that I have no other choice than to seek medical assistance.
After what seemed like a thousand questions and an ultrasound, it was decided that I need to undergo a cystoscopy so that they can look at the inside of my bladder to determine what is actually going on. Depending on the results, we might do bladder installations next. I am in no way looking forward to any of these procedures and treatments, but the pain is so bad that I think it will be worth the try. This doctor is calling in something to calm my nerves on the days of these procedures, but I still doubt that will be sufficient for my anxiety.
Once again, I have to admit that I would not have gotten through this appointment with my loving husband. He had to take the day off of work just to be able to accompany me to this appointment. He definitely deserves husband of the year after everything that he does and sacrifices for my health. I don’t say it often enough, but I would be so lost without him by my side. For that I thank him and the Universe for keeping us together.
I have so many tests, procedures and appointments coming up that I can hardly breathe when I think about it. My anxiety is constantly high thinking about everything that I have going on. Coping with my autoimmune life is giving me more difficulty now than ever. My old issues that I thought I had buried away, have suddenly returned full-force. Living this life is becoming too difficult to keep up with. I’m not sure where else to go from here… this is a whole new low for me. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers right now. Every day is getting harder than the last.