Despite my excruciating medical anxiety, I made it to my morning appointment for Botox injections for my migraines. Y’all… I was literally hyperventilating waiting for the doctor to come in. I haven’t had medical anxiety this bad in quite a while. I can usually control it for the most part, but today I was absolutely out of control. I was so embarrassed today, but the staff at my doctor’s office was freaking amazing with me and my issues. Luckily, this doctor’s office allows my husband to join me for my appointments – no questions asked. They all know that if he can’t join me I’m not going back there.
Before the doctor started, he came in to discuss the procedure and answer any questions of mine. I was able to express my anxiety to him and he was very calm and compassionate with me because of it. I really like this doctor for the most part. He is the only male doctor on my care team (I don’t do well with male doctors), but he doesn’t trigger my issues like others do and have. After addressing all of my questions and concerns, we moved into the procedure room. This is where my anxiety really got out of control, but lucky for me I had this big ole guy to hold my hand. For those of you that don’t know me personally, my big guy is 6′ 5′ tall!
The whole procedure only lasted about 15 to 20 minutes. He started by putting several shots into the skin on my forehead. That hurt worse than anything else that he did to me today! That pain was nearly unbearable! After five or seven shots, I was hyperventilating again so we had to stop for a minute. More embarrassment for me! As we continued on, it got a lot less painful. The shots into my head, neck and shoulders did not hurt quite as bad but they were still painful.
Unfortunately, this procedure is not a “one and done”. I have to go back in 6 weeks for a follow-up, then again in 12 weeks for another round of Botox injections! The hope is that after a few more rounds of Botox, the migraines will be gone. As the pessimistic skeptic, I will be surprised if this treatment actually works for me, but of course I am holding onto the small bit of hope that I do have!
I was sent home with very little instruction, other than to keep a migraine diary for further treatments to be approved by insurance, and of course, to show us whether or not the treatment is working or not. The only side effect warnings that I could find all seem to be related to an allergic reaction or the symptoms of anaphylactic shock.
A huge shout out today to my loving husband. He went through Hell with me today, in his own right. He somehow managed to get me to this appointment, in the door and through the procedure. If it were not for him, I would never have gone. Before the procedure started we were holding hands. The doctor initially told me that we would not be able to hold hands for one part of it, but when we got to that point, he never said a word. He realized that that was the only thing keeping me calm and it was not affecting his procedure. After 15 years together, this man is my calm. He is my peace. He is my sanity and without him, today’s activities would never have occurred. So, for that I would like to give him a huge thank you.
My medical anxiety has gotten exponentially worse now that several more doctors and specialists have been added to my care team. There is always this most unnatural fear in the back of my mind that the doctor is going to deliver me some more bad news. For so many doctor’s visits I was given more and more bad news and nothing more; now I’m a little scared to go into these places and have these conversations. My diagnoses were and still are traumatizing for me. I have let these facts become my excuses for not seeking the treatment that I so desperately need. This is the year that I will put that to an end. This is the year that I am doing all of the big, scary things that literally give me nightmares. This is the year that I will get my life back… or so I hope.
Thanks for stopping by my page y’all. Stay strong fellow autoimmune warriors and friends and family. Love and light now and always.