Y’all… I had the worst night in years last night. My evening had already been riddled with excruciating pelvic pain. I took all of my medications which includes that blasted pain pill that I am not very fond of. I went to sleep with no trouble and slept like a baby until 2 am when the pelvic pain suddenly shot me straight up into a sitting position. I felt like a little kid all over again – crying in pain in the middle of the night. I was literally crying for my mama… and if I know my mother, she’ll read all about it in this post.
I’m not used to pain waking me up. So far I have been very blessed when it comes to this. I take enough sleeping medications and muscle relaxers that I rarely even wake up at night, let alone in that kind of pain. My husband was sleeping like a baby and I could not bring myself to end that for him. There was not much that he could do for me, anyway. So, I got up and got my heating pad and cranked it up. And I cried myself back to sleep.
Most people don’t realize what the autoimmune life looks like, but this is it… Crying all alone in the middle of the night, taking medication that you hate in the hopes that your pain will go away if only for a moment. And living under a heating pad and a heating blanket also in the hopes of pain relief. This is a hard life to live. Constant pain, anxiety and disappointment fill the lives of the chronically ill and it goes seemingly unnoticed. Doctors, nurses and caregivers don’t believe us most of the time, so they leave us in our pain.
I hate sounding whiny, but sometimes in this autoimmune life I have to give myself a moment to release it and that can only be done by acknowledging that this sucks sometimes… and days like today it sucks – A LOT! I’m strapped to my bed with a heating bad over my pelvic region. It is the only hope that I have of pain relief and so far it is doing nothing. The pain medication that I have already taken is also doing nothing. Days like today are extremely depressing for me. I hate wasting the day lying in bed. I have a life to live and kids to raise and I can’t do that from my bed! My life is passing me by and there is literally nothing that I can do about it. Okay. Rant over.
Thanks for stopping by and letting me whine. Stay blessed y’all! Love and light now and always!