A whole week of self-isolation and I officially feel like I’m going nuts. When news of the Coronavirus originally I surfaced, I did not take it serious – at all! Then I thought it was some kind of a joke. Now, I’m mildly terrified, self-isolating as many other immune-compromised autoimmune warriors are doing at this time, in an attempt to avoid catching this virus and adding complications to my already ill health.
When I first entered my self-isolation period I thought that my little projects would keep me busy. Even though my projects are getting some much-needed attention, I have sadly let my thoughts and worries get the best of me. I sit here worrying about my loving husband bringing home the death virus that the whole world is hiding from. I worry about my children missing out on school and I worry about all of those that are high-risk to this virus. I watch the number of cases rise exponentially and I worry that it’s too far out of control to even avoid it at this point. I worry and stress and think and worry some more, and this cycle is absolutely maddening!
After a conversation with a fellow self-isolating autoimmune friend today, I came to the realization that I am not the only one suffering through this necessary Hell. She and I both had the same complaints: loneliness, depression, anxiety and worry. For the brief moment that I was outside of myself and helping a friend, I almost felt normal again. It felt great to not be dwelling on my own misery, and it felt great to know that I am not alone in my loneliness.
One of the biggest surprises for me during this self-isolation was the mental health effects that are occurring. I had not fully realized what loneliness and isolation would do to my mind. I watch my amazing husband go to his job at the local grocery store every day, and although I appreciate his commitment, I get jealous. I am so jealous that he gets to go outside and see people and have conversations with adults. I am so insanely jealous but I recognize that in my health I cannot take the risk of going out and about. I know that with my health issues, Coronavirus very likely could be a death sentence to someone like me. And that’s the part that hurts the most. It’s that serious. It’s literally a death sentence, and I’m sitting here resenting the man that I love for protecting me from that reality.
If you’re suffering through this very strange and scary pandemic, don’t be like me! Reach out to a friend or family member. Have a conversation with somebody who gets it. Don’t suffer in silence like I did this past week. Stay safe out there my warriors! Love and Light always to each and every one of you!