My Week in Self-Isolation Hell

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A whole week of self-isolation and I officially feel like I’m going nuts. When news of the Coronavirus originally I surfaced, I did not take it serious – at all! Then I thought it was some kind of a joke. Now, I’m mildly terrified, self-isolating as many other immune-compromised autoimmune warriors are doing at this time, in an attempt to avoid catching this virus and adding complications to my already ill health.

When I first entered my self-isolation period I thought that my little projects would keep me busy. Even though my projects are getting some much-needed attention, I have sadly let my thoughts and worries get the best of me. I sit here worrying about my loving husband bringing home the death virus that the whole world is hiding from. I worry about my children missing out on school and I worry about all of those that are high-risk to this virus. I watch the number of cases rise exponentially and I worry that it’s too far out of control to even avoid it at this point. I worry and stress and think and worry some more, and this cycle is absolutely maddening!

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After a conversation with a fellow self-isolating autoimmune friend today, I came to the realization that I am not the only one suffering through this necessary Hell. She and I both had the same complaints: loneliness, depression, anxiety and worry. For the brief moment that I was outside of myself and helping a friend, I almost felt normal again. It felt great to not be dwelling on my own misery, and it felt great to know that I am not alone in my loneliness.

One of the biggest surprises for me during this self-isolation was the mental health effects that are occurring. I had not fully realized what loneliness and isolation would do to my mind. I watch my amazing husband go to his job at the local grocery store every day, and although I appreciate his commitment, I get jealous. I am so jealous that he gets to go outside and see people and have conversations with adults. I am so insanely jealous but I recognize that in my health I cannot take the risk of going out and about. I know that with my health issues, Coronavirus very likely could be a death sentence to someone like me. And that’s the part that hurts the most. It’s that serious. It’s literally a death sentence, and I’m sitting here resenting the man that I love for protecting me from that reality.

If you’re suffering through this very strange and scary pandemic, don’t be like me! Reach out to a friend or family member. Have a conversation with somebody who gets it. Don’t suffer in silence like I did this past week. Stay safe out there my warriors! Love and Light always to each and every one of you!

1 thought on “My Week in Self-Isolation Hell

  1. So many people in my life, starting at a very YOUNG age, have criticized me for the depression and loneliness I Express because I’ve had to stay at home and not had even the CHANCE for a social life. It’s sad to me that MOST ppl do not know this life and have judged ppl like me and you for so very long about HAVING to stay at home and not work or socialize to protect our health. And now that the rest of the world is having to do what I have done most of my life they all seem to be going nutz, feeling anxious all the time, the separation from other humans of ur age group!all of this has been the CENTER of my life since childhood. Maybe after all of this more ppl will understand WHY I am the way I am AND WHY I lose my shit after being trapped inside for so long without adult conversation and companionship.
    When this is over and I have SURVIVED…. BECAUSE I WILL I REFUSE TO HAVE FOUGHT FOR MY LIFE AGAINST MY OWN BODY AND MY OWN MIND FOR SO LONG ONLY TO BE DEFEATED BY A VIRUS…. I want to start some kind of outreach to others like us. I want MORE ppl like us to have the support we need EVERY DAY not just during one of the scariest times in modern history. So that whe this is over and healthy ppl go back to work and those of us left behind to stay isolated… wont get left behind…

    Like

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